One More Day!... One more time... one more sunset baby & i'd be satisfied...

Yuppers I'm coming home!!! :-D I will be home friday and I am excited and ready! Time has flown by WAAAAY faster than I could ever have imagined and here I am - one more day & then a day spent in airports... I'm super sad to leave everyone... and Brasil... a country I never thought that I would like haha But now it feels like another home... hmm... God has been amazing and is STILL amazing and answers prayers all the time, big and small... I love the things He's been teaching me and even more so, when he pulls me through the brokenness... I can't wait to come home and see everyone! Thank you to everyone who has followed my (not very often... sorry!!) blogs through this journey and for all of your prayers and support! Believe me, they are truly appreciated!

Less than 3 weeks... yowsers!

Wow I'm still amazed by the time...
To add to the Dourados blog from last week...
Besides working with the innercity kids, I got to go to Aldeia which is the Indian reservation there and spend time with a family - reallllly cool... except a LOT of walking... unfortunately I didn't know how MUCH walking, therefore nikki was in flipflops... NO BUENO!! ;) hahaha but it was good...
And on saturday mornings, the church opens up for kids in the city to come take free classes (like to learn english or dance or learning how to talk in front of people haha many shy kids there...) or to play games (volleyball and soccer) so Pâmela told me that I could help with her english class which of course I was like "sure!!"... What I didn't know was that, after she brought me to the front of the class and introduced me as her American friend, she handed me a piece of chalk and said "Now this is YOUR class!" and sat down... hahaha wow ya should've seen the look on my face! :) But it was good - we had a good time & i eventually got the kids to open up and give some feedback... I also went to another friend's english class (where SHE was learning english) and it was kinda funny b/c they were learning "british english" and the tapes they have to listen to are really hard to distinguish what they're saying! The teacher even "made" me (haha) take the test with the rest of class and it was kinda hard! hahaha but only b/c the British accent was so strong and the recording was really rough :/ haha And I'm going back to Dourados soon... maybe sooner than I previously thought, but that all depends on a few factors... but when I do, my friend Pâmela (who actually teaches english as her job at a school there) said that all of her students want to meet me so I will be "helping" haha (i hope ONLY helping) with her class when I go back... Anyway things are going well... and winding down haha... I was eating pizza with a friend last night and we were talking about me leaving and not being around every day anymore and it was really sad and we both almost started crying! :/ I really am sad to leave this place... much more every day... but I'm also ready to come home... Yesterday I was at Alisson's college and I had the most interesting conversation with a gay guy from Lebanon that is Muslim... random i know... but we were talking about Islam vs Christianity and talking about world views and how people really think about America there and the differences between a lot of different things and it was very eye opening to see how people (outside of the US) look at the world and the US... not just him but I've talked to many people here... and i'm really glad to have a more rounded view of the world than my previous bubble... it's very interesting to say the least... Anyway I've got to go but I will leave you with this :
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Proverbs 4:23
love it... and God spoke to me thru it... and it was goooood :)

Nostalgia has overtaken me...

Wow I really thought that I would be better at keeping a blog... hmmm guess I was wrong haha :) sorry....

I have been in Dourados (another city about 4 hrs away from Campo Grande) since last friday and I'm not sure exactly when I will be leaving from here hahaha Like everything else in Brasil, it is all up in the air...

On Sunday, I helped with a program for innercity kids here called "Projeto 'Adamá" - this church travels to different neighborhoods here and work with the kids on sunday afternoons. They dance, sing, teach them about the Bible, give them treats, etc. It's really cool and was a joy to help with. I've also been exploring a lot of the city and everyone is so great and friendly here. I have people arguing about where they want me to stay at haha so it's real cool...

The last few nights, I've been staying at my friend Pâmela's house and she lives in a nice apartment on the top floor with several balconys with exquisite views of the city... and this is where I have been spending my time lately haha. It's so beautiful, especially at night. I find myself alone sometimes, just sipping water from my coffee cup (haha) and staring out in to the night sky, at the city line and all the stars in the sky... And I feel torn... part of me feels like I never want to leave here and that I will never be able to recapture everything I've seen and experienced here and I'll miss everything too much... and then another part longs for home and my friends and family... haha but i guess that's normal right? ;)

5 weeks... well technically am i at 4 weeks now? i guess so haha... crazy how fast time flies when you're not looking... but yay, i'm glad to see everyone soon - i miss you all... i am especially excited about seeing my little sister and her swollen belly!!!!!!!!!!! :) i want to meet willow madelyn NOW! haha it's hard to see pictures from the internet but not be able to really watch and help her through this, my first niece... i am TERRIBLY EXCITED!!! :)

Three Sleepless Nights... This Isn't How It's Supposed To Be...

Just for the record... if anyone feels like praying for me...
I can't sleep!! haha I've been having trouble for more than a week now sleeping and it's slowly wearing me down haha
Anyway, back to the update...
A couple of Sundays ago, I spent the day with two of my guy friends on their side of town and wow! I was promptly ushered in to life without a car, cellphone or much money. Had I known how much walking we were to do that day, I would have worn my tennis shoes instead of sandals haha When we wanted to visit someone, we just walked to their house. We also walked to this big open market in one of the streets which was pretty neat. The openness and kindness of the people here is sometimes staggering. One of the guys live in a small house with his mom. It is very poor and doesn't even really have doors (minus the front door). But when we came over, his mom offered everything that she had, whatever we might want, if she had it, she offered it. Generosity here takes on a new meaning and I pray continually for God to bless all these wonderful people who have shown me such favor. I also went shopping recently and didn't think that I had much money for clothes but the shop we went to belonged to a friend of one of the pastors here and the owner always supports all kinds of ministeries and missionaries so she gave me a GREAT deal (I got like 8 items for cheap). And all she wanted me to do was to keep her in my prayers, for blessings over her life and her shop. So I prayed with her there in the store and I wrote her name in my journal to remember. Many blessings here...
I also got to go to a samba concert. They have a program right now where pretty big bands come through and play for free in one of the parks here. And the park is so beautiful! It's very big and they set the stage up against the lake with the city skyline in the backdrop and we sat on a hill facing everything at sunset... WAAAAY cool :) and the music was great too!
This past weekend, for Easter, we went to a retreat in the mountains... Did I expect the nights to be frigid considering every day (and night) here has always been fairly hot?? NO haha I did not... Nights were spent shivering in my tent under 3 bare sheets haha but it was a lot of fun. I shared a tent with a couple of younger girls and we spent the weekend playing games with the rest of the youth. We had several services and in one of them, I gave my testimony (in very broken portuguese haha - no english speaking people there this time...) and sang "Nothing But The Blood". I've been asked to sing many times and I have but always in english. Right now I'm trying to learn the words to some of the songs I know fairly well in portuguese. :) Anyway many little things go on but too numerous to mention... or maybe to silly haha but they are important to me. God does answer prayers. I believe it and I've seen it many times. I pray continually every day that He would open and shut doors in my life and that He would guide my hands and my ways. I also try to pray before I make any decision, even the small ones :) And it's been such a blessing doing this, I can't even tell you...

Life As I Know It

Let me just say... that it is always a joyous sight to see adults and especially older people (in their 70s no less) dancing and praising God with no inhibitions. Last night, we had a prayer vigil, i guess would be the term... It started at 10pm and went until like 1:20am, i think? I wasn't paying attention to the clock so much when I crashed haha... But yes, the first half was just worship and I always like it when you can have so many people gather in a house with no special things, just a couple of guitars (and this really cool weird sortof smaller accordian thing...) and many people that sing off key haha... And you could really see the joy on everyone's faces... Not saying that they are all perfect b/c God knows the many flaws everyone has haha... But just at this moment, they were really worshiping God and you could tell... It wasn't about anything other than love and fellowship and that to me is so... pure... And I love to see it :) And like I said, to dance with joy before the Lord... it always brings a smile to my face - it reminds me of when David was chatised by his wife for dancing, scantily clad albeit haha, in front of a large crowd of people even though he was the king... but he said it wasn't for their entertainment that he danced... he danced for the Lord :) I love that. Maybe their whole lives haven't been this way... or through everything they do, continue to be this way... but for this moment, in this place, they really took time out of their sleep schedule (the bispas are normally in bed by 10pm haha) and their lives with their families... and they worshiped the Lord their God and prayed for His will to be done. Things like this really bless my soul in a way that I can't tell you. Sometimes I guess I let myself think that the world is too bitter and things can't change. People can't change. That people don't know how to love anymore... and then God steps in :) and shows me His love. His love for His children and our love for Him. It's so simple and yet staggering. It is beauty - His love, His grace.

Gigi....

Gigi is the little girl who lives next door. And for some unfathomable reason, she adores me haha. Let me just say first that she can be the MOST ANNOYING thing in the world... for example, one morning after service when I desperately needed a nap... there was Gigi... in my room... jumping on my bed and on me, telling me to wake up... haha and then when she's here and she wants to do something, she wants to do it NOW, not wait for me to finish whatever random thing that I was previously working on... but she can also melt my heart like no other haha... when I was in Dourados last week and didn't come home until later sunday night, apparentally Gigi came over the next morning at 7am, waiting for me... luckily they didn't wake me up haha so I got some rest that I was looking forward to... Then I didn't end up seeing her until last night, when her and her father were coming home on his motorbike and a ball came careening across the way & he swerved and the bike and company fell over. Luckily, they weren't too badly injured, but had a lot of scrapes and bruises. I didn't find this out til later when her dad came over to get me and elza because Gigi wanted me to pray for her. So we all went over there & everybody was like "Gi! Nikki's here!" (b/c I still hadn't seen her again since I left for Dourados) and she came walking up to me slowly, pouting, with big scrapes on her forehead and body and just wrapped her arms around me in a big hug... I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or laugh, it was just so sweet... So we prayed for her & I stayed there for awhile watching A Bugs Life in portuguese with her and her brother... And needless to say, when I got up this morning, there was Gigi, waiting downstairs for me to play with her... Life is certainly interesting here in Brasil... :)

Answered Prayers

God is great!! :-D This week has been simply amazing & I am forever grateful for the opportunity given. Last week, I was kind of frustrated and struggling with a couple of things - one of them personal but the other was just that I wanted to really hear from God and know what He wanted to do with me here in Brasil. I was looking for direction and like I said, REALLY wanted to hear from God. So I decided to fast for three days & three nights and just spend all my time reading scriptures and worshiping Him and staying in prayer. I've gotta tell ya, I have never felt the Holy Spirit or God moving in me as I have now :) God answered both of my prayers... and quickly! In ways that I never saw coming haha The night of the 2nd day of my fast, I was invited to meet up with my friend who was working with a group here called ABU (in the US i think they said the name was Interversity....?? wow I probably am way off on that name...) who were finishing a conference here in Campo Grande by speaking to the college students about their lives and their different faiths... Although part of me was really scared b/c I thought "how am I going to speak to people with my limited portuguese?!", part of me really wanted to go b/c I felt God tugging me... So I kept praying about it and I ended up being able to go and it was really good :) I got to talk to these 2 girls, in portuguese haha, and one of them gave me their email so I'm hoping to maybe get to talk to her here again soon. Afterward, I went out to eat (although I didn't eat haha) with the team from ABU and was somehow invited to join them in a few days for their last conference, which was in Dourados, another town a few hours away. I continued to fast and pray the next day, my last day and later that night, I got the call from Phil, the leader, that they were able to get me on last minute - so I could go!! I was so excited and had really been praying for God to either open this door or shut it closed but it was opened wide and I had a wonderful week! I went with a couple of the guys to a big high school during their lunch break one day & we talked about ABU & the service later that weekend and I sang a song in english & one of the guys interpreted the meaning for me. A different day, I got to lead the morning devotional for the team. Yesterday, sunday morning I was asked to share with the church about some of my testimony. But that was only some of the things I did. I only went to help. The team did so much more. We went out to all these different universities and they talked to students about what they believe and their views of the world. They shared what they were doing here with ABU and invited people to the workshops & service we had on Saturday night. They led programs at diff churches and schools where they shared their testimonies, gave sermons, led worship. It was just amazing to be able to be a part of this and it just goes to show how amazing God is and how He answers prayers. I continue to pray for more opportunities like this and have actually been invited back to Dourados as well as other cities. :) God is good. His grace covers a multitude of sins and the filth that we are constantly struggling with or trekking through. And I praise Him for that LOVE daily :) What greater love than this - that a man should lay down his life for a friend... And for Christ to lay down His life for millions of people that can't really be called His friends? ... truly amazing...

you need to watch this....

Everyone needs to watch this video...
b/c it's pretty accurate and b/c we do need to be conscious of our surroundings... in america everything's more free & consumption is a big problem... i can testify that here in Brasil, they have at least a 60% less consumption rate than at home... i've learned some good practices for when i do go home...
go to www.storyofstuff.com

A Blog of Pictures - RETIRO

Sorry it's been so long :/

didn't realize i hadn't been updating...

busy busy busy, trying to get everything together w/my tax returns and filling out my fafsa and applying to UTA, etc etc all from brasil haha

also had an issue w/my bank where one of their 3rd party lenders had a problem w/accessing out information to other people... so attempting to make sure everything's ok on that end...

anyway here's some photos for ya! :-D

from the retreat we had a couple of weeks ago :)

this is bispa geraldo & bispa elza

the family that i am staying with :)

we all camped out in tents at the retreat...

in between services, we played games...

one of the worship teams warming up :)

during worship

altar call

baptisms

i can't even begin to tell you how good these kids are at soccer... it amazes me really... :)

only a few of the many kids who would eventually ALL be in the pool hahaha

we all took turns cleaning up after everything

some of my friends, young and old

What can I say?? Almost every day i'm in a different service and every time i meet a new group of kids, they just seem to stare at me through the lesson and worship as if i'm an alien from another planet that doesn't deserve to be there... and then after service, they all crowd around me and want to talk to me and sit with me, asking me to play games with them or sing to them... Can't say i truly understand it hahaha but it's good... At the retreat, it was really neat b/c i would be habitually back and forth between my friends and the kids. Even then, after the first day, the kids always knew where to find me so even when i was sitting w/my friends, there would always be at least 4-5 kids around us as well. :) But unlike how it sometimes is in the states, all my friends would love on the kids as well. :) There was a total intermingling of kids and young adults w/o any complaints which i really loved. hahaha and it was just so strange to have kids always following me around! one night, a 13 yr old boy told me how beautiful i was & asked if i had a boyfriend. when he found out i was single, you should have seen his face! hahaha he so thought he had a chance... another boy almost never left my side the whole time and was always in my tent... and there was this one precious girl who wanted me to hold her throughout 2 diff services & wouldn't let me put her down... :) good stuff... Nothing here is as i expected it to be... Then again, i didn't have many assumptions to begin with... but the few i had are completely erased... Even the expectations i make while i'm here continually change b/c that's how it is here in Brasil... no real routine, other than always being in church haha everything is just up in the air... hahaha I don't know if I've mentioned this in my blog, i've definitely mentioned to a few friends though... that here in Brasil, in most ways, things are really different, but i guess some things never change... at least with me and my circle of friends hahahaha once again, i find myself being one of 2 girls (sometimes we have a 3rd) in a mass circle of all guys friends... yes it never changes haha And they view things so different... I don't think i've ever had so many guys telling me how beautiful i am and how cool and sweet i am... very strange... and yes, for all of you people who want me to meet someone in a foreign country (weirdos haha), i have even had someone pretty much ask me if i wanted to get married, if God had put that in my heart for him... The answer to that one was no, if you're wondering haha i have been pretty explicit about not wanting to date while i'm here, although as always i don't want to put God in a box & have said there's always a chance that i might meet someone who won't leave my heart even after i go home... luckily, i think the guys got the hint about not dating haha and now i seem to have accumulated a ginormous amt of older brothers... but they really are very cool... from the beginning, ALL of the guys always give up their seat for me, ask me if i need anything to eat or drink, hold open doors, walk me to wherever i'm going, always looking out for me... and not just me! to all women, young and old :) (now if only my guys back home could learn this lesson haha) it's nice to see the respect they have for people... especially their elders... anyways just wanted to fill yall in on a little more going on in my crazy life... i'm still pretty homesick for my family... but the more i'm here, the more i love it... strange to say that considering when Pastor Kevin said Brasil, i was like "say what....?" cuz i can't stand the heat... and i still can't... and some days are so hot, they make tx heat look like nothing... but then again, they don't really have a/c here unless you make really good money... trucks neither hahaha the only people who own big trucks are the very rich farmers... oh the differences... but it really is beautiful here and when PK said it was his fave place, i thought "well sure for him..." but no, i really love it here too, when i never thought i would... minus the heat and bugs... bugs everywhere!!! hahaha mini ants crawl over EVERYTHING and they don't bite but they are everywhere and it's annoying... if i ever moved here, i would have to bring a giant arsenal of cleaning tools b/c i just can't handle bugs crawling everywhere... bleh :/ haha anyway that's all folks! (for today anyway) :)

Happy Early Valentine's Day!! :-D

Yes Valentine's Day is upon us again... my favorite holiday! :-D (which i know some people think is strange b/c i never have a date hahaha but it is my favorite holiday, if ya were wondering :) it's always fun to see the many different expressions of love) anyway here in Brasil, they have the same holiday but it's called "Dia do Namurado" which roughly means day of the boyfriend/girlfriend... it's also on June 14th, not in february... sad sad day for nikki who will not get to celebrate it :( haha i'll miss it in america AND in brasil... ah well, there's always next year :) i will be spending this valentine's day playing volleyball with a lot of yth/college kids here and then spending the nite with one of the girls. good times - we're planning to use igoogle to attempt to translate each other since neither of us speak the others' language very well haha oh and today i found out the difference between the words "caminhar" & "passear" - see in my dictionary (which i have already given up b/c it is no where NEAR accurate - one of the guys here alisson lent me his english/portuguese dictionary which i'm so happy about by the way haha and also b/c he is one of the only people left who knows quite a bit of english) but in my dictionary, both of these words said "to walk" so i've been trying to get the pastors to go walking with me cuz i'm not good enough with the language to go wandering amuck in the country by myself haha but she never would for some reason... until today *dun dun duuuuun* haha today she asked if i wanted to go for a "caminha" & i was like "yes!"... apparentally "passear" means to stroll, like maybe go for a stroll in the mall or something like that which they had tried to explain to me earlier but i didn't get it... but "caminhar" means a brisk 3 mile walk all over the country, a lot of it uphill haha i felt like my legs were going to fall off but it felt good :) i'm glad i know the difference now though haha anyway i wish i could put up pics, which several people have asked about, but i'm currently using pastor elza's computer b/c we don't get wifi til next week... and her comp just cannot hold the photo content or much of anything else really :/ so until then, no pics but hopefully we'll get it soon & then be able to load up recent pics. this week, elza has been working on finishing making shirts (yes she makes, as in buys the fabric & sews together on a machine, tshirts for the kids here for the retreat we have next week during Carnival. that's like some 200 shirts plus the adults?! crazy... so i've been helping her run errands & such and then next week will be the rest of getting everything together & much practice!! (the college guys want me to sing a song in english so we're supposed to practice some hillsong music next week - i sing, they play... can you imagine me doing this on my own back home?! ha! ;) but it gets easier the more i sing in front of people, especially acapella... maybe one day i'll actually be used to it haha) and there's also... my birthday!!! :-D all i want is emails or messages from everyone so i can read them & not feel so homesick! ;) anyway i'm getting tired - i hope everyone has a great & romantic valentine's day! and for all of you single people out there, well i am as well :) and ya know? it's not that bad, not that bad at all... especially when you know how much God really longs and waits for you :) more than any guy will ever chase after you and more than any girl can fill your heart with - His love has no bounds and is pure love :) so just remember, whether married, dating or single, there is ALWAYS a God above that longs for you, waiting passionately for the day you'll let him rescue you :) that's the kind of love i'm looking for (and have) :)

São Dade Anne Gabrielle!!!! ;)

Oh so much to say, so much to say... I went to the Indian reservation here which is called Dourados. I wish i could upload pics from my computer but alas i'm on someone else's computer :/ The Indians are very... uh not so advanced in their thinking... would be the best way to say it i guess... We brought food to the family of the Indian pastor for casa do oleiro and a bag of lollipops for the kids. There was no hint of air conditioning, and their house was smaller than my old apartment with no doors, only openings. 2 rooms and a kitchen/living room. Although they had no A/C and no lights, they had a nice television. Ask me how that works out?? i have no idea... When we gave the kids their lollipops they immediately opened the bag & started eating some. No surprise there. Then they would throw their trash on the ground and eat another one. Ok worried about a sugar rush now but they never get candy so whatev. ;) Then they throw it the trash on the ground and still keep eating. I asked Anne why they were doing that, if they never get candy, then wouldn't they logically want to ration it, to make it last longer?? She said no, that they didn't want to share with the other kids in the reservation so they were going to eat it all right then. I was like "what?!" She said that when the other kids get something special, then they immediately consume it so that no one else can ask or attempt to receive some of their treasure. So if no one else shares, then why should these kids? But I said, "since they're a pastor family now, wouldn't they want to share, just to show more love to the people?" and she said no, that they didn't understand that concept at all. Aghast, I wondered, how can they truly understand what kind of a gift Christ gave us if they can't even share lollipops? Anne said they have to preach Christ like they would to children because the concepts involved are too complicated for them. I can't even imagine a life like that... After we left the reservation (which is 3 hours away from Campo Grande), we got home just in time to hear that Pastor Geraldo (Pastor Elza's husband) had been in an accident and so we rushed to the hospital. Now all day, for some strange reason, I had been plagued by thoughts of death. Not sure why, maybe b/c I've been thinking about Aarin a lot. Who knows? So when I was praying for Pastor Geraldo, although i was praying for health, i kept imagining worsecase scenarios and then i just stopped and told myself NO! If God is the God I believe in, if he is all powerful and full of mercy and grace and that anything i ask, can and will be answered, then i BELIEVE IN FAITH that Pastor Geraldo would be healed, only scrapes and bruises, nothing serious. And I claimed that in Jesus name, completely serious. I was like, there is no "if" here, there is only healing. So we got to the hospital and had to wait around for awhile and finally found out that he was ok! Only scrapes and bruises!! Praise Jesus! :) What happened is that he was coming home on his motorbike (apparentally half the population in Brasil drive motorbikes) and a car ran into him on his side (it was raining pretty badly) and he ricocheted up onto a curb and ended up plowing into a giant pile of dirt and brick that was by the house. Although the bike was worse for wear, he was ok. :) Whew! Close call! Things never go as planned here haha Anne even said they have a word for it - imprevicivo (probably spelled horribly) which pretty much means things change constantly. Later on that week, I got to play volleyball with some of the youth and college kids here. We played 2 on 2 & then 3 on 3. My teams won about half of them. :) I felt good about it haha there was no real competition which was nice - everyone just laughing and joking. They think it's strange that I only drink water but it's hard to explain the whole reason why i don't like carbonated drinks haha. We spent the whole day there at Pastor Baptista's and I got to hang out w/some of the college guys before we had night service. (Did i mention there's a service practically every night somewhere?? To these people, church is more of a lifestyle then a service... it's crazy how interconnected they are & the pastors and church families all go to these different mini services i guess) :) Anyway I was talking (and Anne translating) :) to the guys about the differences between things in America and in Brasil and we got on the subject of dating and here it seems like guys get into relationships that turn serious quickly cuz everyone has like a promise ring after a few months or one month and that's like a pre-engagement ring here. But a lot of them aren't that serious even though they give the rings and act like it, etc. And so i was just curious and opening my mouth like always haha and was asking why they jumped into things, especially when they know it wasn't meant to be serious? Like one guy said he dated a girl for i think 18 months just to date and i was like... "why...???" or people that dated just for passion and nothing else. i pretty much said passion doesn't make a marriage - love does. but anyway that was just nikki being nikki, always interested to know diff people's opinions, etc, didn't think anything of it. Pastor Maricela came over a few days later & wanted to tell me that the guys had thought a lot about what I said and had really changed their mentality towards dating. One guy (her son) even broke up with his girlfriend the next day, b/c he pondered what i said & prayed about it & knew the relationship wasn't fruitful (much to his mom's delight haha) How crazy is that?? People listening to me... huh... haha ;) Pastor Maricela actually told me that I may think I'm here to minister to kids, but that God is also using me in the youth/college. I'm here thinking i'm just talking but the people here really listen to what you have to say. They're so open and loving. But there's the yucky side as well. When we were outside Dourados (the Indian reservation) we had stopped at a store for something and I was waiting in the car with Anne and this awful looking lady was outside the door, pretty much propositioning herself... awkward... then she spied our car and started walking toward us. anne told me to lock my door which i did but i was like "why?" i found out 3 seconds later when she came to my door and tried to open it. it was the weirdest thing - i looked at her through the window, thinking maybe she would say something, like what she wanted. but no... never said a word... standing there in tattered clothes, not much teeth and crazy eyed, she just kept pulling on the handle and then banging on the door and side of the car. when i guess she realized she wasn't getting in, she just started walking off in the opposite direction. later we saw her in the middle of a busy street, just wandering aimlessly in front of huge trucks that almost ran her down (praise God they stopped in time)... it was just... creepy... and obviously some men are not so nice and continue to stare and make gestures toward you - sometimes i'm thankful i don't understand portuguese haha... in other news, my Anne Gabrielle left me yesterday :*( she and pastor antonio finally went off to their other destinations (i'm praying she'll be back in april like she thinks she will be) :) but it was a very sad day indeed... although yes it was a blessing to have her translate for me, it was more of a blessing to have a good friend here... Now i am back to square one haha like i said though, the people here for the most part are very friendly and loving. they all want to learn english and i'm like "but i have to learn portuguese!!!" haha they don't seem to understand that for me to translate something to them in english, i first have to know what it means in portuguese hahaha but cés la vie! I've done more puppet shows and one of the college kids here wants me to sing a song with him and his band in english for the retreat coming up. Carnival is the last week of February and the schools are out... ya know, so all the kids can partake in the debauchery... no seriously... it's like mardi gras times 10 so i've heard... lots of drunk and (half)naked people... so they've rented a campground for us and we are having a youth/college retreat. :) They really like hillsong, so the guys are going to learn "Lead Me To The Cross" and i'm going to sing it... Yes you heard... I'm going to sing in front of an audience... go me! haha ;) the kids here adore me for some strange reason haha and are always trying to talk to me or get me to sing for them. I actually understand them best, b/c they understand you have to speak portuguese SLOWLY for me to catch all the words haha. um let's see... not sure what else... hope you found some sense in my jumbled thoughts and stories :) remember, feel free to email me at korean4christ@gmail.com - i love news from home! ;) and mom if you're reading this - EMAIL ME BACK!!! i miss you :)

As Crianças!!! :)

Ah today i finally did a puppet show for the kids aka "as crianças" and it was good... I gave my testimony yet again - do i ever get tired of it? No! haha cuz i know who and what i'm proclaiming :) I must say though... i love kids... they are so cute and fun is not something bound in a language! they were entertained by my story and loved the puppets. everyone said a prayer of salvation together and afterwards the kids couldn't stop staring or trying to talk to me. it was good... tmrw - as plans are right now haha (always subject to change at will) are to go do a puppet show for the indian reservation here so that will be neat. and then thurs tentatively my annie-gabrielle as i've come to know her, is leaving alone and isolated in this portuguese spoken land haha sad day.... anyways its late so i bid you good nite - boa noite!!

heat, lightning and a multitude of stars

First of all, let me just say that a kid falling asleep on your shoulder is the cutest thing ever... ok not EVER but still... it's pretty stinkin cute haha :) Well the rain has past and the heat is here!! And it's back with a vengeance! Ay! I can't even begin to tell you how Texas humidity has NOTHING on Brasil's heat wave... bleh... And although the stars at night ARE big and bright deep in the heart of Texas, i gotta tell ya, in Brasil country, looking up at the sky... i never knew i could see so many stars!! it was like the sky had exploded and there was a smattering of pinpricks of light everywhere! and in the far off distance, with lightning flaring up, highlighting the unseen clouds... just beautiful... i wished then that i had a camera that could fully give justice to the picture i would take but alas, all i have are my memories :) in other news, as i think i've mentioned before, everything in Brasil seems to alwaysbe up in the air. plans change hour to hour, day to day. instead of doing the puppet show for the 250+ kids last nite, we went to a different church out in the country of Campo Grande (where i am currently and will be until i come home) where i got to sing a worship song acapella. ok if any of you really know me, then you know that i have horrible stage fright hahaha no but seriously, i was ok until about a minute before i went up and then i started shaking... it was pretty bad and when i started singing, i could hear my voice quivering and my hand holding the microphone was shaking and i was like "oh no..." haha but as i started to sing, i just concentrated on the words, about giving my worship to God and once i did that, i was fine... but yes, i can't remember a time when i've actually sang solo, let alone acapella in front of an audience... yay for God helping me haha... Everything here is slow paced as well... we arrived 2 hours early for service last night as well as with others in the church... everyone just sits around talking and then we actually have service and multiple people are allowed to talk or preach or share and there doesn't seem to be a time limit which is very strange for my American sense of church haha it took some getting used to but i kept thinking that when Jesus was preaching, people would sit and listen for days without leaving, whether they had food or not... we should always be ready and willing to listen to a word of our Lord and Savior :) um let's see, what else? i've given my testimony at 5 or 6 churches now? and then i sang last night... who knows what i'll end up doing tonight haha things are good and i hope everyone at home is doing great - that school or work isn't too much of a burden for yall :) oh and a side note to leave you with - when pastor kevin had told me how in Brasil, stop signs and red lights were more caution lights than actual laws... i thought he meant like out in the country where there's not much traffic... but no... as we drove back into the city last night, we definitely blew through or "cautiously" drove through an assortment of red lights and stop signs... if i didn't know that God was with me, i would come home right now hahaha

late night musings

Forgive this blog because i'm really tired. But i felt that if i didn't update tonight, i wasn't completely sure the next time i would so here i am. it's so strange to be here, in another country... part of me feels so much normalcy like being able to talk (sortof haha) to people, traveling around in a car, having lunch, dinner, etc. but the other part feels the difference, the language barrier, the cultural connotations of diff actions or words... hmm... I have found that the people of Brasil do NOT like to wear their seat belts... actually i'm not even sure why they have them in cars at this point, because i guess if people can drive this fast and crazy safely, then they don't need the protection haha. It's been a little over a week and i'm still homesick. When does that ever end? Not home as in my house, my bed, my car... home as in my family, my friends... anne told me a two word phrase they have here in Brasil that she's never heard anywhere else in the world and it's to describe missing someone, so much more than missing, but truly longing for that person in a desperate kind of way. Obviously someone had traveled and then came home haha or it could even take on a Christian persona - would that we all truly longed for Christ desperately and every minute spent with Him would be like that cold crisp quench that fills your entire being when you finally get water after being parched for so long... hmmm... i got to share my testimony to a different church tonite & they even prayed over anne and i. my picture and testimony is also up on the casa do oleiro website. this week i have been wracking my brains writing 6 puppet shows with Bible stories that can be brought to Jesus so that we can do an altar call. all of these to be translated into portuguese and then i will put the show on by myself reading the translation. may God help me. :) what's sad is that the kids in campo grande are so desperate for any attention or i guess distraction of any sort b/c they do not have toys or anything really. we will be mainly in the slums and these kids have nothing. i didn't realize how little i brought until i came here. tomorrow we leave for campo grande and saturday will be my first puppet show for an audience of 250 kids! although i've heard that they will be delighted no matter WHAT i do (just my presence being there to entertain them is more than enough anne says) i still want it to be good. i still want it to mean something, when we pray about Christ, i want them to really grasp it. can you really grasp Christ in one puppet show? i hope so :) their ministry here is so small, it breaks my heart. no one to rise up and take care of these kids, to have any kind of stabilized kids ministries. just missionaries that pass through every four years or so (and yes it's been four years since something like this has happened). when God led me here, i had no idea what i was doing. i can't say even now that i do haha. but i know that by being open to whatever God wanted, i was allowed to share my testimony here and it spoke to people. i'm going to spend 4 months loving on kids and (hopefully) leading them to Christ. i'm also getting married next week... haha jk ;) anyway i'm gonna check my emails now and go to bed - i hope some of this made sense and even if it didn't, well at least it's all from the heart
"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks"
May you be blessed always! :)

i have arrived!

Hello family and friends! I have made it safely and am... oh i don't know, almost a week into my trip?? Brazil is more beautiful than i can explain. It's luscious and green, full of life, blooming with beautifully colored flowers and plant life. I got to see part of the beach and drive through a mountain :) (well i didn't drive and speaking of - traffic is INSANE here!!! :/ i'm so glad i don't have to drive b/c we would have soooo gotten into an accident...) There's also a lot of poverty and the streets, houses, etc are covered in graffiti (albeit more colorful and prettier graffiti than we have in the states but still...) I spent a couple of days with Pastor Antonio's sister Wanda at the school where she works and she showed me around and there was just graffiti EVERYWHERE on the walls in the classrooms and all over the school. They are hoping to receive new money this year from the government to paint the walls but they did that a few years ago and it's back in bad shape again. It seems so hard to try to offer these kids something more, something better and they just throw it back. It breaks my hear that and think about all that Wanda (the principal) is trying to give them. I'm very grateful for my education and the blessings in my life.
Saturday night, we went to the youth service and the pastor was speaking about how Zechariah climbed the tree to see Jesus and that Jesus called him down from the tree and said He would dine with Zechariah, and how if we would only just climb the tree, if we would only reach out to Him, He would meet us. Well the pastor was mainly preaching salvation, but i gotta tell ya, it hit me pretty hard. I felt like God was speaking to me, comforting me (b/c i'd been so homesick and overwhelmed by how little portuguese i really knew), wanting to know for sure this was the right thing and it was like God was just saying "You did it nikki - you finally put your trust in Me and i brought you here - you climbed the ladder" and it was so refreshing, i can't even begin to try to explain. Then last night, we went to the main service and i was asked to come up to the front to give my testimony about what God has been doing in my life and how i came to be here in Brazil. I spoke simply about how God had been asking me for years it seems - "Are you ready?" (b/c i had constantly been praying to Him "lead me and i will follow") and i would always say yes but then he would ask "Will you come?" and i would be like "oh no i can't, i have my family here to help, and a church that i help run, and friends i can't leave, that can't be what you are asking of me" and so it went until Aarin passed away, so suddenly, so young, and i spoke about how she was the bringer of light and how at her funeral and after it seemed like God was asking me again "Are you ready?" and i said yes... and He asked again "Will you come?" and i thought of Aarin and how short life can be sometimes and the things we worry about in life that don't mean as much in the kingdom of Heaven and i said yes i will... and that is how i came to be here... And it was so neat cuz a woman in the church wanted to speak after i was done & she said how she felt God's annointing when i was speaking and how she had all these worries about her life and her family and what God was calling her to and that when i was speaking, she felt His annointing and peace and almost like confirmation over her life and how she was going to trust in Him like i had and follow Him and it was just... cool... :) it feels good to be used by the Lord in whatever way, across language barriers (i had anne translate for me) and countries :) anyway that is all for now! i hope everyone who reads this is blessed and i love and miss everyone!!

IT'S TIME!!!!

Yikes!!! I'm leaving for Brazil tomorrow!!
Also Obama is being inaugurated as well...
not as important haha jk ;)
I am... all aflutter... with anticipation... for my trip.
Especially since everything isn't planned
and altho some people (RAQUEL) think that i am VERY spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants type of person - it's hard for me to not have things like this planned....
So yes i am incredibly excited but at the same time scared out of my MIND
besides the fact that i will miss everyone terribly
including my family :(
but i love everyone and thank you for all your continual prayers and support.
You have blessed me beyond measure and I hope to bless the people in Brazil. Pray with me that God will give me the words to say and the heart and unconditional love for the people there. I love you all very much and hope to see you soon!!! :-D

ps. i am not sure how often i will be able to check the internet so bear with me if i don't respond quickly

Some Clarity...

So I got up pretty early this morning and drove out to the DFW area to speak with Pastor Antonio and pick up my visa & passport. Apparentally, somewhere in the course, or maybe due to other cultures or possibly even just the good ole Holy Spirit, we got our wires crossed on what exactly was going down haha. Ya see, I thought that I was going there for more the technical side, like running an orphanage (and one overseas) and just being able to help them out and sort of get a feel for all the millions of things set up with their different ministries and with the orphanages. Pastor Antonio pretty much thought I was bringing my OWN ministry to share with the kids there. Yes I almost started hyperventilating right there in his beautifully decorated living room. When I got back home, I stopped by the church to bring back receipts & speak with Pastor Kevin. I told him what Pastor Antonio and I had talked about and he wasn't sure how it got mixed up either. He said sometimes it's just going to be "fly by the seat of your pants" type of journey b/c that's how their culture is. And I explained (to both pastors individually) that I was up for the challenge and that I had been asking God to grow me and stretch me and use me beyond what I thought I was capable of. And that is CERTAINLY this haha. The only thing is - i am VERY overwhelmed!!!! Just like me to accept something & then panic! Haha But I know that the Holy Spirit will guide me and show me where to go from here. And I am constantly praying for direction. CONSTANTLY. My life is always a big jumble in the air b/c there are several things that I want and/or could do with my life. But these options are only subject to what happens in the next few years. I DO want to finish college... that's a definite. Could I be an overseas kids missionary? Could I potentially later on in life actually be running the orphanage in Uganda? (yes they asked if i was interested) Do I want to run my own orphanage in the states? Do I want to run an orphanage at all or just work with kids in some way? There are SO many options to play with but I know the Lord will lead me. And so I ask for your prayers - for my future and for now, especially that He would equip me for the task at hand. I love kids... I love people... If I can't speak the language best and maybe seem boring to the kids, but show them my love for them and my love for Christ... is that enough? I hope so. I just want their hearts and ears and eyes to be open to receive the Gospel, whether through my words or my actions or through the other people in the ministries. I'm not running on much sleep here so if my thoughts are kind of castastrophic and jumbled, I apologize. :) I hope some of this made sense...

A Night of Surprises :)

So last night, I didn't have much planned other than just hanging out with a few close friends and watching movies. Little did I know OR suspect, a surprise party was awaiting me at the church. I am SO glad that i didn't come in my pajamas hahaha No it was great and amazing! I didn't expect it at all (which is a challenge in and of itself b/c no one has EVER thrown me a surprise party that i hadn't figured out beforehand) so kudos to Joseph! :-D
Last night was simply... incredible. I haven't felt that loved in quite awhile. I mean I have a lot of friends... and I realize that... but sometimes i don't actually feel that love and last night was just wonderful. Friends came in from Burleson, the DFW, Oklahoma City, even from Colorado!! :) My friends' band came and played - Grace The Fall, and everyone signed a giant poster for me that said "Brazil Or Bust" :) inside joke for those who've been around too long... It was just simply perfect. And before everyone left, they all prayed over me and for my trip. I have a lot of friends inside and outside of the church, that match my faith or don't understand it. But to see everyone gather around despite their differences to pray for safety, love and encouragement for me... that was truly a blessing :-D I couldn't have asked or imagined anything better than this. It's good to know that I have such loving family and friends to come home to.
This past year, 2008, has really changed me and grown and stretched me in ways i couldn't have seen or known i needed. And I've started out the new year right :) I've always kept God at the forefront in my heart and mind and I always pray in the morning and when I go to bed. But I haven't been the best with my quiet time with Him - with my Bible reading or seriously praying or worship. I did do all these things but in small doses, here or there, when i could fit it in. I'm not perfect and never claimed to be haha my walk is ever changing and God is continually shaping me and refining me into the woman of God He sees in me. And before this honestly I didn't see quiet time, specifically in the morning, to be something entirely different from just having quiet time in some point of the day. But for the last week and a half, due to the mutual encouragement of one of my dear friends, i have started a new routine. The first thing I do in the morning is I get up and read a portion of scripture and then pray. I pray about what I read, about things going on in my life, for people, and for God to lead my life that day and every after that. And I can't even begin to tell you what a difference it has made in my life in just a week and a half. God has been answering prayers - some i've prayed for years, some just recently that i needed met. But He has! And the joy that bubbles over in my heart each morning which i actually make the conscious decision to live for Him, not to think of Him or even dote on Him during the day, but to truly want to die to yourself and live for Him! It's just incredible and SO encouraging and edifying. Scripture, the Word - it IS life! It is the bread, the spiritual nourishment that we all need :) If you've ever prayed for answers, believe me, God will give them to you! You just have to submit yourself to His will :) He knows what's best, WAAAAAAY more than we could ever believe we ever needed or wanted. I promise. :) So take heart! Be strong! Live for Him!
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!!

ok well not THAT time...
but i have my flight tickets!!! :-D
(and while i'm gone PLEASE email me! i love hearing from people! and i'd love to hear of your prayers and things i can pray for and just how you're doing :)
korean4christ@gmail.com)
I am leaving the afternoon of January 20th
and i am TERRIBLY excited!!!
There have been some complications here and there
and although I do not resent them for it,
there's been some doubt spoken from acquaintances to people that are very close and dear to me
which has been hard
But I've known all along that this is what God has for me
It's funny really
I'm the type of person that I just worry about EVERYTHING
hahaha i think i got it from my mom
but this last year, 2008, where God has really been weaning me away from several of my closest friends,
at a time when I didn't fully understand it, just thinking "God where did everybody go?"
and although i didn't understand it
I knew that this was all a part of God's plan for my life
and through that knowledge and peace
I began to stop worrying so much
b/c I realized that if i was going to trust God
then i actually needed to TRUST Him
and so even though it was hard for me
breaking away from everything and everyone that i knew for so long
it was GOOD and REFINING
i've been praying always that God would equip me for whatever He has planned, including Brazil
and He HAS, in ways i never would have forseen and didn't realize i might need
and everytime i think about worrying
i go back to
"Do not worry about anything, but pray about everything"
ah phillippians... one of my fave books
very encouraging
and i hope that you are encouraged
i pray that when times get hard and doubt enters your mind
PRAY about it
don't just carelessly ask God halfheartedly
but REALLY PRAY and SEEK GOD
TELL HIM WHAT YOU FEEL
ASK HIM FOR GUIDANCE AND PEACE
AND HE WILL ANSWER YOU!!!
I PROMISE :)
He may not always give you what you want
but like the song says haha
ya might get what ya need :)
Be blessed!