late night musings

Forgive this blog because i'm really tired. But i felt that if i didn't update tonight, i wasn't completely sure the next time i would so here i am. it's so strange to be here, in another country... part of me feels so much normalcy like being able to talk (sortof haha) to people, traveling around in a car, having lunch, dinner, etc. but the other part feels the difference, the language barrier, the cultural connotations of diff actions or words... hmm... I have found that the people of Brasil do NOT like to wear their seat belts... actually i'm not even sure why they have them in cars at this point, because i guess if people can drive this fast and crazy safely, then they don't need the protection haha. It's been a little over a week and i'm still homesick. When does that ever end? Not home as in my house, my bed, my car... home as in my family, my friends... anne told me a two word phrase they have here in Brasil that she's never heard anywhere else in the world and it's to describe missing someone, so much more than missing, but truly longing for that person in a desperate kind of way. Obviously someone had traveled and then came home haha or it could even take on a Christian persona - would that we all truly longed for Christ desperately and every minute spent with Him would be like that cold crisp quench that fills your entire being when you finally get water after being parched for so long... hmmm... i got to share my testimony to a different church tonite & they even prayed over anne and i. my picture and testimony is also up on the casa do oleiro website. this week i have been wracking my brains writing 6 puppet shows with Bible stories that can be brought to Jesus so that we can do an altar call. all of these to be translated into portuguese and then i will put the show on by myself reading the translation. may God help me. :) what's sad is that the kids in campo grande are so desperate for any attention or i guess distraction of any sort b/c they do not have toys or anything really. we will be mainly in the slums and these kids have nothing. i didn't realize how little i brought until i came here. tomorrow we leave for campo grande and saturday will be my first puppet show for an audience of 250 kids! although i've heard that they will be delighted no matter WHAT i do (just my presence being there to entertain them is more than enough anne says) i still want it to be good. i still want it to mean something, when we pray about Christ, i want them to really grasp it. can you really grasp Christ in one puppet show? i hope so :) their ministry here is so small, it breaks my heart. no one to rise up and take care of these kids, to have any kind of stabilized kids ministries. just missionaries that pass through every four years or so (and yes it's been four years since something like this has happened). when God led me here, i had no idea what i was doing. i can't say even now that i do haha. but i know that by being open to whatever God wanted, i was allowed to share my testimony here and it spoke to people. i'm going to spend 4 months loving on kids and (hopefully) leading them to Christ. i'm also getting married next week... haha jk ;) anyway i'm gonna check my emails now and go to bed - i hope some of this made sense and even if it didn't, well at least it's all from the heart
"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks"
May you be blessed always! :)

i have arrived!

Hello family and friends! I have made it safely and am... oh i don't know, almost a week into my trip?? Brazil is more beautiful than i can explain. It's luscious and green, full of life, blooming with beautifully colored flowers and plant life. I got to see part of the beach and drive through a mountain :) (well i didn't drive and speaking of - traffic is INSANE here!!! :/ i'm so glad i don't have to drive b/c we would have soooo gotten into an accident...) There's also a lot of poverty and the streets, houses, etc are covered in graffiti (albeit more colorful and prettier graffiti than we have in the states but still...) I spent a couple of days with Pastor Antonio's sister Wanda at the school where she works and she showed me around and there was just graffiti EVERYWHERE on the walls in the classrooms and all over the school. They are hoping to receive new money this year from the government to paint the walls but they did that a few years ago and it's back in bad shape again. It seems so hard to try to offer these kids something more, something better and they just throw it back. It breaks my hear that and think about all that Wanda (the principal) is trying to give them. I'm very grateful for my education and the blessings in my life.
Saturday night, we went to the youth service and the pastor was speaking about how Zechariah climbed the tree to see Jesus and that Jesus called him down from the tree and said He would dine with Zechariah, and how if we would only just climb the tree, if we would only reach out to Him, He would meet us. Well the pastor was mainly preaching salvation, but i gotta tell ya, it hit me pretty hard. I felt like God was speaking to me, comforting me (b/c i'd been so homesick and overwhelmed by how little portuguese i really knew), wanting to know for sure this was the right thing and it was like God was just saying "You did it nikki - you finally put your trust in Me and i brought you here - you climbed the ladder" and it was so refreshing, i can't even begin to try to explain. Then last night, we went to the main service and i was asked to come up to the front to give my testimony about what God has been doing in my life and how i came to be here in Brazil. I spoke simply about how God had been asking me for years it seems - "Are you ready?" (b/c i had constantly been praying to Him "lead me and i will follow") and i would always say yes but then he would ask "Will you come?" and i would be like "oh no i can't, i have my family here to help, and a church that i help run, and friends i can't leave, that can't be what you are asking of me" and so it went until Aarin passed away, so suddenly, so young, and i spoke about how she was the bringer of light and how at her funeral and after it seemed like God was asking me again "Are you ready?" and i said yes... and He asked again "Will you come?" and i thought of Aarin and how short life can be sometimes and the things we worry about in life that don't mean as much in the kingdom of Heaven and i said yes i will... and that is how i came to be here... And it was so neat cuz a woman in the church wanted to speak after i was done & she said how she felt God's annointing when i was speaking and how she had all these worries about her life and her family and what God was calling her to and that when i was speaking, she felt His annointing and peace and almost like confirmation over her life and how she was going to trust in Him like i had and follow Him and it was just... cool... :) it feels good to be used by the Lord in whatever way, across language barriers (i had anne translate for me) and countries :) anyway that is all for now! i hope everyone who reads this is blessed and i love and miss everyone!!

IT'S TIME!!!!

Yikes!!! I'm leaving for Brazil tomorrow!!
Also Obama is being inaugurated as well...
not as important haha jk ;)
I am... all aflutter... with anticipation... for my trip.
Especially since everything isn't planned
and altho some people (RAQUEL) think that i am VERY spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants type of person - it's hard for me to not have things like this planned....
So yes i am incredibly excited but at the same time scared out of my MIND
besides the fact that i will miss everyone terribly
including my family :(
but i love everyone and thank you for all your continual prayers and support.
You have blessed me beyond measure and I hope to bless the people in Brazil. Pray with me that God will give me the words to say and the heart and unconditional love for the people there. I love you all very much and hope to see you soon!!! :-D

ps. i am not sure how often i will be able to check the internet so bear with me if i don't respond quickly

Some Clarity...

So I got up pretty early this morning and drove out to the DFW area to speak with Pastor Antonio and pick up my visa & passport. Apparentally, somewhere in the course, or maybe due to other cultures or possibly even just the good ole Holy Spirit, we got our wires crossed on what exactly was going down haha. Ya see, I thought that I was going there for more the technical side, like running an orphanage (and one overseas) and just being able to help them out and sort of get a feel for all the millions of things set up with their different ministries and with the orphanages. Pastor Antonio pretty much thought I was bringing my OWN ministry to share with the kids there. Yes I almost started hyperventilating right there in his beautifully decorated living room. When I got back home, I stopped by the church to bring back receipts & speak with Pastor Kevin. I told him what Pastor Antonio and I had talked about and he wasn't sure how it got mixed up either. He said sometimes it's just going to be "fly by the seat of your pants" type of journey b/c that's how their culture is. And I explained (to both pastors individually) that I was up for the challenge and that I had been asking God to grow me and stretch me and use me beyond what I thought I was capable of. And that is CERTAINLY this haha. The only thing is - i am VERY overwhelmed!!!! Just like me to accept something & then panic! Haha But I know that the Holy Spirit will guide me and show me where to go from here. And I am constantly praying for direction. CONSTANTLY. My life is always a big jumble in the air b/c there are several things that I want and/or could do with my life. But these options are only subject to what happens in the next few years. I DO want to finish college... that's a definite. Could I be an overseas kids missionary? Could I potentially later on in life actually be running the orphanage in Uganda? (yes they asked if i was interested) Do I want to run my own orphanage in the states? Do I want to run an orphanage at all or just work with kids in some way? There are SO many options to play with but I know the Lord will lead me. And so I ask for your prayers - for my future and for now, especially that He would equip me for the task at hand. I love kids... I love people... If I can't speak the language best and maybe seem boring to the kids, but show them my love for them and my love for Christ... is that enough? I hope so. I just want their hearts and ears and eyes to be open to receive the Gospel, whether through my words or my actions or through the other people in the ministries. I'm not running on much sleep here so if my thoughts are kind of castastrophic and jumbled, I apologize. :) I hope some of this made sense...

A Night of Surprises :)

So last night, I didn't have much planned other than just hanging out with a few close friends and watching movies. Little did I know OR suspect, a surprise party was awaiting me at the church. I am SO glad that i didn't come in my pajamas hahaha No it was great and amazing! I didn't expect it at all (which is a challenge in and of itself b/c no one has EVER thrown me a surprise party that i hadn't figured out beforehand) so kudos to Joseph! :-D
Last night was simply... incredible. I haven't felt that loved in quite awhile. I mean I have a lot of friends... and I realize that... but sometimes i don't actually feel that love and last night was just wonderful. Friends came in from Burleson, the DFW, Oklahoma City, even from Colorado!! :) My friends' band came and played - Grace The Fall, and everyone signed a giant poster for me that said "Brazil Or Bust" :) inside joke for those who've been around too long... It was just simply perfect. And before everyone left, they all prayed over me and for my trip. I have a lot of friends inside and outside of the church, that match my faith or don't understand it. But to see everyone gather around despite their differences to pray for safety, love and encouragement for me... that was truly a blessing :-D I couldn't have asked or imagined anything better than this. It's good to know that I have such loving family and friends to come home to.
This past year, 2008, has really changed me and grown and stretched me in ways i couldn't have seen or known i needed. And I've started out the new year right :) I've always kept God at the forefront in my heart and mind and I always pray in the morning and when I go to bed. But I haven't been the best with my quiet time with Him - with my Bible reading or seriously praying or worship. I did do all these things but in small doses, here or there, when i could fit it in. I'm not perfect and never claimed to be haha my walk is ever changing and God is continually shaping me and refining me into the woman of God He sees in me. And before this honestly I didn't see quiet time, specifically in the morning, to be something entirely different from just having quiet time in some point of the day. But for the last week and a half, due to the mutual encouragement of one of my dear friends, i have started a new routine. The first thing I do in the morning is I get up and read a portion of scripture and then pray. I pray about what I read, about things going on in my life, for people, and for God to lead my life that day and every after that. And I can't even begin to tell you what a difference it has made in my life in just a week and a half. God has been answering prayers - some i've prayed for years, some just recently that i needed met. But He has! And the joy that bubbles over in my heart each morning which i actually make the conscious decision to live for Him, not to think of Him or even dote on Him during the day, but to truly want to die to yourself and live for Him! It's just incredible and SO encouraging and edifying. Scripture, the Word - it IS life! It is the bread, the spiritual nourishment that we all need :) If you've ever prayed for answers, believe me, God will give them to you! You just have to submit yourself to His will :) He knows what's best, WAAAAAAY more than we could ever believe we ever needed or wanted. I promise. :) So take heart! Be strong! Live for Him!
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!!

ok well not THAT time...
but i have my flight tickets!!! :-D
(and while i'm gone PLEASE email me! i love hearing from people! and i'd love to hear of your prayers and things i can pray for and just how you're doing :)
korean4christ@gmail.com)
I am leaving the afternoon of January 20th
and i am TERRIBLY excited!!!
There have been some complications here and there
and although I do not resent them for it,
there's been some doubt spoken from acquaintances to people that are very close and dear to me
which has been hard
But I've known all along that this is what God has for me
It's funny really
I'm the type of person that I just worry about EVERYTHING
hahaha i think i got it from my mom
but this last year, 2008, where God has really been weaning me away from several of my closest friends,
at a time when I didn't fully understand it, just thinking "God where did everybody go?"
and although i didn't understand it
I knew that this was all a part of God's plan for my life
and through that knowledge and peace
I began to stop worrying so much
b/c I realized that if i was going to trust God
then i actually needed to TRUST Him
and so even though it was hard for me
breaking away from everything and everyone that i knew for so long
it was GOOD and REFINING
i've been praying always that God would equip me for whatever He has planned, including Brazil
and He HAS, in ways i never would have forseen and didn't realize i might need
and everytime i think about worrying
i go back to
"Do not worry about anything, but pray about everything"
ah phillippians... one of my fave books
very encouraging
and i hope that you are encouraged
i pray that when times get hard and doubt enters your mind
PRAY about it
don't just carelessly ask God halfheartedly
but REALLY PRAY and SEEK GOD
TELL HIM WHAT YOU FEEL
ASK HIM FOR GUIDANCE AND PEACE
AND HE WILL ANSWER YOU!!!
I PROMISE :)
He may not always give you what you want
but like the song says haha
ya might get what ya need :)
Be blessed!